I am not sure if you made any new changes to this draft, but from what i can remember everything is the same. I remember from last class talking a bit about the online roll playing, i think you should keep that. its interesting and funny (to me at least) because i know a lot of people who are into role playing, and i would definitely get any jokes you are trying to play within that.
Im sure we covered this last class as well, i feel it takes maybe a bit too long to get into the story. we are still following matt around for 5 pages talking about this comedian Denny. pretty much discussing just how great he is. until it finally gets into the story. i really like it though.
pg 5. matt should be the one who stops the camera when he notices denny get upset about the sitcom picture pg.6 I would like to see the dialogue for the sitcom scene the restaurant scene is funny but i would elaborate more on the online role playing... pg. 11 could you elaborate more on the superbowl thing, maybe the bad reviews are what set denny off initially but maybe the superbowl set could get canceled and that is what could really send him off the deep end.
i still like the ending, is it a little shorter now, it seems like it is, but either way i like the length as it is right now.
Aw, no new comedic shenanigans for us this week?
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if you made any new changes to this draft, but from what i can remember everything is the same. I remember from last class talking a bit about the online roll playing, i think you should keep that. its interesting and funny (to me at least) because i know a lot of people who are into role playing, and i would definitely get any jokes you are trying to play within that.
ReplyDeleteIm sure we covered this last class as well, i feel it takes maybe a bit too long to get into the story. we are still following matt around for 5 pages talking about this comedian Denny. pretty much discussing just how great he is. until it finally gets into the story. i really like it though.
pg 5. matt should be the one who stops the camera when he notices denny get upset about the sitcom picture
ReplyDeletepg.6 I would like to see the dialogue for the sitcom scene
the restaurant scene is funny but i would elaborate more on the online role playing...
pg. 11 could you elaborate more on the superbowl thing, maybe the bad reviews are what set denny off initially but maybe the superbowl set could get canceled and that is what could really send him off the deep end.
i still like the ending, is it a little shorter now, it seems like it is, but either way i like the length as it is right now.
next time bold the changes so we know the differences!!!
ReplyDeleteI still like the script!!! I think this could be really funny! I just think you need to develop the main character more.