Great adjustments to your script, I especially liked the description of Happy escaping the cage in the wheel.
I know this is supposed to be a final script, but I had a few ideas rolling around my head that I wanted to share with you.
What if the mice were really civilized? Maybe, they are eating cheese with a knife and fork, whilst one is playing the piano in the background. I think there is a lot of potential for comedy in this scene. I think it would be more shocking to then see the contrast of one of them with the cook book on how to eat hamsters. (Maybe they are like the Victorian upper class family- you could have fun with that!)
Hopefully that wouldn't be too much work for you. I also thought it would be funny if after Happy has flipped out in the living room, he could finally grab that piece of cheese he wanted. But just before he begins to eat it he is chased by the dog. This could also be a funny moment as he is being chased with the cheese in his hand?
My last thought was at the end when he throws the stick at the gnome. For some reason this doesn't seem right to me. Maybe it could be something more exciting or comedic, like the cheese? I'm running with this cheese idea man...maybe one of these ideas resonates with you?
Good work man, this is gonna be funny and entertaining no matter what.
Oh, what do you have in mind for creating the dog?
SCRIPT 1; check the grammar of your first sentence 1; Inside the cage is two hamsters, -another grammar error: ARE two hamsters 1; i don't think you need to have him dreaming of pushing the wheel through the door; just have him do it; also, having 2 dreams back to back will diminish the first one, i think 2; consider instead of he crashing thru a second door, having him try several times and then have one of the human open it right as he's about to hit it and him slipping by the humans with his wheel; then you might want to have him travel everywhere with the wheel 3; very funny when the twist happens (that the mice what to eat him); but something like a recipe "Hamster Stew" or "Hamster L'Orange" might be funnier 3; getting the dog to run into the wall will be tough 4; "He climbs through..." 4; Even though the ext desert scene (the paragraph that begins "Happy's footprints..." is short, the scene needs to play out before getting to the garden. Maybe a montage; riffing on the classic man walking the desert desolation montage, with animal skulls, maybe hamster skeletons, and maybe a few completely random things, like an old Donkey Kong machine, or a big pink cake (i dunno...) 4; also let it play out plenty right when he is seeing Frank's grave and before the talons sweep down to get him. general: i still like this. like the direction you've taken it. i don't think there is much else to do on the script, unless something isn't working for you. now you need to get on your animation like a bat out of hell, because animation is very hard and incredibly time consuming.
JOURNAL I still don't see how you're theme connects to your script; but i do like your script. I really like what you wrote on what this will say about you as an artist with the HHGTTG scene in mind, you might do something philosophical and poetic with him as he's being carried away by the bird you have some good creative notes here; but it would help you and your collaborators a lot if you had some pics, sounds/music clips, and movies to help illustrate your ideas
TESTS your visual aids are decent, but you are not close to an actually animation test which was due this D cycle; i am very concerned about pulling this off; if you can't get a sizable amount of working stop motion animation done by the end of the semester, you might consider alternatives like hand drawn animation
ALSO I like Dom's polite mice idea. And the grab the cheese button.
Seems like you got a lot of work ahead of you but the end result should be awesome.
The script is looking solid and I like how it seems more fleshed out this time around.
Page 2: Personally, I don't like the addition of Frank and Happy with dialogue. It'd feel like a stronger piece if they didn't speak, especially since the rest of the film has no dialogue(except for the humans).
Page 4: I'm not visualizing the wrapping of the stick onto his back all too well. It might make sense when I finally see it on screen, but through this script, I can't see it.
Page 5: Agreed with Dom about the gnome. Seems a bit anti-climatic with the stick just bouncing off. Maybe if he actually knocks it over in defeat or breaks the open eye with a rock.
Overall, can't wait. Looking forward to seeing the animations whenever they come around.
I have to disagree with Ritchie about the hamsters speaking, I like the fact that they speak, especially in the dream sequence. I don't recall them speaking outside of the dream sequence but i think its appropriate in that instance.
I also would like to see more with the gnome. Especially if this is supposed to be your climax. I think someone has mentioned this but it would be funny if Happy could hear a distant lawn mower or something and he thinks its coming from the gnome, just to make him more menacing, and make it seem like more of a threat. I think that could turn out really neat if done the right way
Looks like a pretty neat idea. You mentioned you actually made a preliminary model that looked pretty decent. It woulda been cool if you'd had a picture of that up or somethin'.
Script
Real quick, this is just a nit-picky, technical note. You should get this thing into proper screenplay format, that way you can get a good idea of how long it'll be as the norm is generally around a minute per page. There's a free program called CELTX floatin around the internets. It looks like you've got the formatting down for the most part, it's just the margins and the font that need some fixing.
Pg1 - Why is the exercise wheel squeaking? It gave me the impression that a hamster would be running on it, or something like that, but then one hamster is asleep and the other is dead. I'm just wondering what caused it to move in the first place.
Pg2 - I don't think this was in the last version, but I really like your addition of Happy getting visibly upset, shaking the bars of the cage.
hahaha - "having a good time and shit" - this made me lol. You should probably change that to something more specific as to what they're doing :P
I'm not sure how I feel about the hamster's talking to one another in Happy's imagination
I love the idea of him imagining a mathematic formula as to how he's going to escape the cage.
Pg3 - I dig the addition of having the scent of cheese come over him. Was that in the last draft? I don't remember it being there, but I like it, regardless.
Pg4 - I like how you've handled the mice situation and making it more alarming. But. I'm sure I'm missing something here, but what's the purpose of them attaching a stick to his back? Is this some form of cooking Happy, in which they are preparing for?
The dog sequence is good. Gives it that epic feel.
But, as far as we know, his leg is still injured. Make sure to show that he is still limping and whatnot.
Pg5 - before i mentioned that you should add something to the lawn gnome sequence, but it's growing on me. You've gotta make sure you get the timing down just right, but this could be really funny.
The ending needs something more. it's kind of abrupt.
Overall, I think you're getting there, I think you're down to just getting yourself some tweaks here and there.
Hey Nick, Just checked out your pictures and updated script. Looking pretty good man... I am pretty excited to see where this all goes in the end.
I like this draft of the script... it is the most fleshed out version so far. I think that the Hampster should NOT speak at in the film (even during the dream sequence)... I like the idea of him being a silent character... very Gromit like and it will make his actions that much more powerful! Please leave him mute!!!
I also think that the ending with the Gnome needs to be more fleshed out. This is the climax of the film, and it needs to have more of an "umph" to it!
I am really interested in seeing how the model of the Hampster turns out. I know you have been pretty concerned with it for awhile, but it seems like you are on the right path here. I like the pictures you put up!
I really hope this turns out great man... I think it should!
I can't remember if you showed Frank dead in the last one but I'm glad you included it this time to clarify for the audience. Much better!
I agree with Mr Mcclarr. I don't think that the hamsters should talk at tall. I feel that it would ruin their cute-ness and what the audience imagines of his inner dialogue. I would somehow imply their thoughts or just have the imagination of Frank inviting Happy to the farm.
Also, I felt that there needs to be more details in the end, though I did see you made note of it. The desert scene I think should have a little more. Maybe he sees the desert wildlife; this is his first time out of the house so I feel it needs to have him a lot more curious about everything.
Overall, should be freakin sweet. Can't wait to see the models of the hampsters and mice.
SCRIPT Page 1- not sure why the wheel is squeaking behind the door if there is no hamster on it.
Page 2- I am a little torn between keeping one of the "Inside Happy's Thoughts" and dropping the other because I think they might cancel each other out, or just making it like the old cartoons where when one dream bubble disappears another one appears next to it so it's like a different thought.
Page 3- so the mouse traps and the mouse den are inside of the house? That's interesting. Apparently Happy doesn't make it very far. I love that the mouse checks his pulse, very cute.
Page 4- "the third mouse in their" should be THERE
Page 4- How come Happy can all of the sudden untie himself when he was just freaking out a second before.
Page 4- He limbs through? Do you mean limps?
Just a quick question so far about Happy, is his name all in CAPS for a reason? you only have to have capitalization when you first introduce the character.
Page 5- If it won't add too much, I think you should do what you did at the beginning and show the plan that Happy is mapping out in his head, sort of like Sherlock Holmes.
Page 5- I am a little confused here. Is his traveling through the vast desert or is he walking through a garden? They should be two separate scenes.
MODEL Have you created the skeleton yet? You should probably design and create your hamster soon. It seems like a long process. I vote on yarn because it's cute and different. Latex can work as well but then it's a lot like Wallace and Gromit. But I like Wallace and Gromit so it's up to you.
I think I understood the squeaking exercise wheel in the beginning. He died while running on the wheel as the father was walking into the room, then fell off and it slowly swung to a stop. This is what I got from it anyway. I'm not sure if that is what you were going for.
You say, "A farm is shown with several hamsters all playing, having a good time and shit." You may want to elaborate on this.
I think the beginning is the strongest part of the story. I love that he formulates this plan to escape the cage on the exercise wheel.
When the mice tie a stick to his back I got a little confused. I get it now that they did it so the could cook him, but I had to go back and read it a few times.
The part with the gnome, I think this could be really funny if you go more in depth. I can picture him freaking about about this garden gnome, then there is a shot of the gnome just sitting there peacefully. Then back and forth until he throws the stick. (It makes sense in my head... I know, I know, THE GAP!)
Is the desert possibly a sandbox just before the garden?
I wasn't sure, but I'm guessing the last paragraph means Happy dies in the end?
On a lot of the comments people talked about whether or not the hamsters should talk and I would agree with most and say they shouldn't. Hope this helps!
pg 1 - I think it would be funny if Happy was looking around for a while before becoming frantic - like lifting up small pieces of the cage lining and looking beneath them for Frank.
pg 3 - What are the mice going to look like? Do they have scars and eyepatches and bandannas? Or do they look like harmless little mice?
pg 5 - Happy throwing the stick at the gnome is hilarious, it's so stupid, I love it.
Just sos ya know, you don't have to capitalize Happy every time he's mentioned, just the first time, and with that being said, you need to capitalize the other characters when they're first introduced - the mice, the dog, etc...
I see you plan on using sound effects sparingly, but the ones that you will be using - will they be realistic or cartoonish?
Hey Nick, this is looking really good. I really like the part with the three mice. I can't remember if you changed the ending, but I really like this ending. How are you planning on creating the giant dog? During the flash animation I like that you described that they were" having a good time and shit" lol. Although I like Dominic's suggestion of making the mice civilized (Victorian upper class) I'm worried that it might be too much work. We're already on the D3 cycle ya know? I've never done a film like this but if you have the time, I say go for it. I really like that suggestion. Overall, this is some really good work.
Nick, Love the pictures of how you’re going to make Happy. Very good work on researching and that you need to have a skeleton for the mold. Most people don’t think about that when they watch stop motion videos. This will definitely make you’re film have a very professional feel. But now if you do make the hamster out of yarn are you planning on having facial expressions? Because if you’re not planning on making multiple models then how are you going to show what he’s feeling?
I love the changes you’ve made to the script especially changing the mouse den scene. That scene has greatly improved I love the idea of having the book “cooking for dummies” very cute. I think you’re coming along great can’t wait to see what Happy is going to look like.
All the stuff you put up about the models and that whole process is pretty cool and intriguing. Looks challenging, too, but looking forward to seeing you make it happen.
Overall, I enjoyed a lot of the changes you made this time around. Also, you seem to have gotten more descriptive on both a lot of Happy's actions and certain sequences that not only cleared some things up for me but also just made your story more fun; I was really able to picture what you wrote with the way you wrote it this time.
I like the changes in the opening, especially having Frank die while running...what if he was just lying dead on the still-moving wheel as opposed to next to it?
I'm not so sure on having the hamsters talk to one another, even if it is in a dream sequence-esque thing. I think it just depends on the voice actors and also if you plan to use an post effects to give them a "hamster" voice.
I'm with what Adam was saying about the use of the wheel - I was looking forward to Happy possibly having the wheel with him as his mode of travel throughout the film, or at least even a bit more of it. Without even adding more sequences to your scripts, this could allow to just have more transition-type shots between sequences of him rolling around vast parts of the house, making his journey feel that much bigger.
The changes to the mouse scenes are good. I think you could have a funnier title on the hamster cookbook, though. Also, I get what's happening but not exactly sure on the fine details of how it happens with "the mice quickly wrap a stick to his back." Clear this up/provide more details of what contraption they're actually using to retain Happy.
With each time Happy goes to a new area, I think you should make a point to "introduce" each new, vast, amazing place he is entering. This is supposed to be an epic journey for him, and visually you will need shots like this to make it feel so. Maybe not for EVERY new location, but for certain ones that you want to put emphasis on, especially once he gets outside. The outdoors should be shot/written very descriptively to really emphasis this new, mysterious world to Happy.
Keep it up, I'm liking where it's going and looking forward to seeing more, especially some of the model work.
yarn would look good if you could find someone to knit it into that form, with the yarn tho, couldnt you like just stuff the yarn that is around the skeleton avoiding the need to use the latex foam stuff?
pg1- did happy awaken in bed? if so, i think he would realize frank was not in bed right away. in the flashback i dont think happy should talk to frank. its the only part in the whole script that the hamster talks and it kind of pulled me out of the script.
pg2-i think happy imagining the equation is not necessary, i think the viewer will understand if you simply show a quick glance back and forth from the wheel to the cage door after happy dreams about frank at the farm.
last page- I still dont understand why the bird drops happy after it picks him up, i think you're just really attached to that final visual and want to keep it even though it might not make that much sense, even if the bird WERE to drop him it wouldnt be in the same spot it picked him up because wouldnt the bird be traveling?
Hi Nick,
ReplyDeleteGreat adjustments to your script, I especially liked the description of Happy escaping the cage in the wheel.
I know this is supposed to be a final script, but I had a few ideas rolling around my head that I wanted to share with you.
What if the mice were really civilized? Maybe, they are eating cheese with a knife and fork, whilst one is playing the piano in the background. I think there is a lot of potential for comedy in this scene. I think it would be more shocking to then see the contrast of one of them with the cook book on how to eat hamsters.
(Maybe they are like the Victorian upper class family- you could have fun with that!)
Hopefully that wouldn't be too much work for you. I also thought it would be funny if after Happy has flipped out in the living room, he could finally grab that piece of cheese he wanted. But just before he begins to eat it he is chased by the dog. This could also be a funny moment as he is being chased with the cheese in his hand?
My last thought was at the end when he throws the stick at the gnome. For some reason this doesn't seem right to me. Maybe it could be something more exciting or comedic, like the cheese? I'm running with this cheese idea man...maybe one of these ideas resonates with you?
Good work man, this is gonna be funny and entertaining no matter what.
Oh, what do you have in mind for creating the dog?
SCRIPT
ReplyDelete1; check the grammar of your first sentence
1; Inside the cage is two hamsters,
-another grammar error: ARE two hamsters
1; i don't think you need to have him dreaming of pushing the wheel through the door; just have him do it; also, having 2 dreams back to back will diminish the first one, i think
2; consider instead of he crashing thru a second door, having him try several times and then have one of the human open it right as he's about to hit it and him slipping by the humans with his wheel; then you might want to have him travel everywhere with the wheel
3; very funny when the twist happens (that the mice what to eat him); but something like a recipe "Hamster Stew" or "Hamster L'Orange" might be funnier
3; getting the dog to run into the wall will be tough
4; "He climbs through..."
4; Even though the ext desert scene (the paragraph that begins "Happy's footprints..." is short, the scene needs to play out before getting to the garden. Maybe a montage; riffing on the classic man walking the desert desolation montage, with animal skulls, maybe hamster skeletons, and maybe a few completely random things, like an old Donkey Kong machine, or a big pink cake (i dunno...)
4; also let it play out plenty right when he is seeing Frank's grave and before the talons sweep down to get him.
general: i still like this. like the direction you've taken it. i don't think there is much else to do on the script, unless something isn't working for you. now you need to get on your animation like a bat out of hell, because animation is very hard and incredibly time consuming.
JOURNAL
I still don't see how you're theme connects to your script; but i do like your script.
I really like what you wrote on what this will say about you as an artist
with the HHGTTG scene in mind, you might do something philosophical and poetic with him as he's being carried away by the bird
you have some good creative notes here; but it would help you and your collaborators a lot if you had some pics, sounds/music clips, and movies to help illustrate your ideas
TESTS
your visual aids are decent, but you are not close to an actually animation test which was due this D cycle; i am very concerned about pulling this off; if you can't get a sizable amount of working stop motion animation done by the end of the semester, you might consider alternatives like hand drawn animation
ALSO
I like Dom's polite mice idea. And the grab the cheese button.
Seems like you got a lot of work ahead of you but the end result should be awesome.
ReplyDeleteThe script is looking solid and I like how it seems more fleshed out this time around.
Page 2: Personally, I don't like the addition of Frank and Happy with dialogue. It'd feel like a stronger piece if they didn't speak, especially since the rest of the film has no dialogue(except for the humans).
Page 4: I'm not visualizing the wrapping of the stick onto his back all too well. It might make sense when I finally see it on screen, but through this script, I can't see it.
Page 5: Agreed with Dom about the gnome. Seems a bit anti-climatic with the stick just bouncing off. Maybe if he actually knocks it over in defeat or breaks the open eye with a rock.
Overall, can't wait. Looking forward to seeing the animations whenever they come around.
Hey Nick
ReplyDeleteI have to disagree with Ritchie about the hamsters speaking, I like the fact that they speak, especially in the dream sequence. I don't recall them speaking outside of the dream sequence but i think its appropriate in that instance.
I also would like to see more with the gnome. Especially if this is supposed to be your climax. I think someone has mentioned this but it would be funny if Happy could hear a distant lawn mower or something and he thinks its coming from the gnome, just to make him more menacing, and make it seem like more of a threat. I think that could turn out really neat if done the right way
The Model
ReplyDeleteLooks like a pretty neat idea. You mentioned you actually made a preliminary model that looked pretty decent. It woulda been cool if you'd had a picture of that up or somethin'.
Script
Real quick, this is just a nit-picky, technical note. You should get this thing into proper screenplay format, that way you can get a good idea of how long it'll be as the norm is generally around a minute per page. There's a free program called CELTX floatin around the internets. It looks like you've got the formatting down for the most part, it's just the margins and the font that need some fixing.
Pg1 - Why is the exercise wheel squeaking? It gave me the impression that a hamster would be running on it, or something like that, but then one hamster is asleep and the other is dead. I'm just wondering what caused it to move in the first place.
Pg2 - I don't think this was in the last version, but I really like your addition of Happy getting visibly upset, shaking the bars of the cage.
hahaha - "having a good time and shit" - this made me lol. You should probably change that to something more specific as to what they're doing :P
I'm not sure how I feel about the hamster's talking to one another in Happy's imagination
I love the idea of him imagining a mathematic formula as to how he's going to escape the cage.
Pg3 - I dig the addition of having the scent of cheese come over him. Was that in the last draft? I don't remember it being there, but I like it, regardless.
Pg4 - I like how you've handled the mice situation and making it more alarming. But. I'm sure I'm missing something here, but what's the purpose of them attaching a stick to his back? Is this some form of cooking Happy, in which they are preparing for?
The dog sequence is good. Gives it that epic feel.
But, as far as we know, his leg is still injured. Make sure to show that he is still limping and whatnot.
Pg5 - before i mentioned that you should add something to the lawn gnome sequence, but it's growing on me. You've gotta make sure you get the timing down just right, but this could be really funny.
The ending needs something more. it's kind of abrupt.
Overall, I think you're getting there, I think you're down to just getting yourself some tweaks here and there.
Hey Nick,
ReplyDeleteJust checked out your pictures and updated script. Looking pretty good man... I am pretty excited to see where this all goes in the end.
I like this draft of the script... it is the most fleshed out version so far. I think that the Hampster should NOT speak at in the film (even during the dream sequence)... I like the idea of him being a silent character... very Gromit like and it will make his actions that much more powerful! Please leave him mute!!!
I also think that the ending with the Gnome needs to be more fleshed out. This is the climax of the film, and it needs to have more of an "umph" to it!
I am really interested in seeing how the model of the Hampster turns out. I know you have been pretty concerned with it for awhile, but it seems like you are on the right path here. I like the pictures you put up!
I really hope this turns out great man... I think it should!
Hey Nick!
ReplyDeleteI can't remember if you showed Frank dead in the last one but I'm glad you included it this time to clarify for the audience. Much better!
I agree with Mr Mcclarr. I don't think that the hamsters should talk at tall. I feel that it would ruin their cute-ness and what the audience imagines of his inner dialogue. I would somehow imply their thoughts or just have the imagination of Frank inviting Happy to the farm.
Also, I felt that there needs to be more details in the end, though I did see you made note of it. The desert scene I think should have a little more. Maybe he sees the desert wildlife; this is his first time out of the house so I feel it needs to have him a lot more curious about everything.
Overall, should be freakin sweet. Can't wait to see the models of the hampsters and mice.
SCRIPT
ReplyDeletePage 1- not sure why the wheel is squeaking behind the door if there is no hamster on it.
Page 2- I am a little torn between keeping one of the "Inside Happy's Thoughts" and dropping the other because I think they might cancel each other out, or just making it like the old cartoons where when one dream bubble disappears another one appears next to it so it's like a different thought.
Page 3- so the mouse traps and the mouse den are inside of the house? That's interesting. Apparently Happy doesn't make it very far.
I love that the mouse checks his pulse, very cute.
Page 4- "the third mouse in their" should be THERE
Page 4- How come Happy can all of the sudden untie himself when he was just freaking out a second before.
Page 4- He limbs through? Do you mean limps?
Just a quick question so far about Happy, is his name all in CAPS for a reason? you only have to have capitalization when you first introduce the character.
Page 5- If it won't add too much, I think you should do what you did at the beginning and show the plan that Happy is mapping out in his head, sort of like Sherlock Holmes.
Page 5- I am a little confused here. Is his traveling through the vast desert or is he walking through a garden? They should be two separate scenes.
MODEL
Have you created the skeleton yet? You should probably design and create your hamster soon. It seems like a long process. I vote on yarn because it's cute and different. Latex can work as well but then it's a lot like Wallace and Gromit. But I like Wallace and Gromit so it's up to you.
Nick,
ReplyDeleteI think I understood the squeaking exercise wheel in the beginning. He died while running on the wheel as the father was walking into the room, then fell off and it slowly swung to a stop. This is what I got from it anyway. I'm not sure if that is what you were going for.
You say, "A farm is shown with several hamsters all playing, having a good time and shit." You may want to elaborate on this.
I think the beginning is the strongest part of the story. I love that he formulates this plan to escape the cage on the exercise wheel.
When the mice tie a stick to his back I got a little confused. I get it now that they did it so the could cook him, but I had to go back and read it a few times.
The part with the gnome, I think this could be really funny if you go more in depth. I can picture him freaking about about this garden gnome, then there is a shot of the gnome just sitting there peacefully. Then back and forth until he throws the stick. (It makes sense in my head... I know, I know, THE GAP!)
Is the desert possibly a sandbox just before the garden?
I wasn't sure, but I'm guessing the last paragraph means Happy dies in the end?
On a lot of the comments people talked about whether or not the hamsters should talk and I would agree with most and say they shouldn't. Hope this helps!
-Danielle
pg 1 - I think it would be funny if Happy was looking around for a while before becoming frantic - like lifting up small pieces of the cage lining and looking beneath them for Frank.
ReplyDeletepg 3 - What are the mice going to look like? Do they have scars and eyepatches and bandannas? Or do they look like harmless little mice?
pg 5 - Happy throwing the stick at the gnome is hilarious, it's so stupid, I love it.
Just sos ya know, you don't have to capitalize Happy every time he's mentioned, just the first time, and with that being said, you need to capitalize the other characters when they're first introduced - the mice, the dog, etc...
I see you plan on using sound effects sparingly, but the ones that you will be using - will they be realistic or cartoonish?
Still really excited for this film :)
Hey Nick,
ReplyDeletethis is looking really good. I really like the part with the three mice. I can't remember if you changed the ending, but I really like this ending. How are you planning on creating the giant dog? During the flash animation I like that you described that they were" having a good time and shit" lol. Although I like Dominic's suggestion of making the mice civilized (Victorian upper class) I'm worried that it might be too much work. We're already on the D3 cycle ya know? I've never done a film like this but if you have the time, I say go for it. I really like that suggestion. Overall, this is some really good work.
Nick,
ReplyDeleteI noticed that Happy shakes the cage which added a despairing feel that solidifies the inciting incident's effect on the hamster.
I still love the lawn gnome.
Your model ideas were fascinating, but I wish I could have seen more. I am incredibly intrigued how the turn out to this will be.
I think all you really need to do now is roll up your sleeves and get this thing made!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNick,
ReplyDeleteLove the pictures of how you’re going to make Happy. Very good work on researching and that you need to have a skeleton for the mold. Most people don’t think about that when they watch stop motion videos. This will definitely make you’re film have a very professional feel. But now if you do make the hamster out of yarn are you planning on having facial expressions? Because if you’re not planning on making multiple models then how are you going to show what he’s feeling?
I love the changes you’ve made to the script especially changing the mouse den scene. That scene has greatly improved I love the idea of having the book “cooking for dummies” very cute. I think you’re coming along great can’t wait to see what Happy is going to look like.
Hey dude -
ReplyDeleteAll the stuff you put up about the models and that whole process is pretty cool and intriguing. Looks challenging, too, but looking forward to seeing you make it happen.
Overall, I enjoyed a lot of the changes you made this time around. Also, you seem to have gotten more descriptive on both a lot of Happy's actions and certain sequences that not only cleared some things up for me but also just made your story more fun; I was really able to picture what you wrote with the way you wrote it this time.
I like the changes in the opening, especially having Frank die while running...what if he was just lying dead on the still-moving wheel as opposed to next to it?
I'm not so sure on having the hamsters talk to one another, even if it is in a dream sequence-esque thing. I think it just depends on the voice actors and also if you plan to use an post effects to give them a "hamster" voice.
I'm with what Adam was saying about the use of the wheel - I was looking forward to Happy possibly having the wheel with him as his mode of travel throughout the film, or at least even a bit more of it. Without even adding more sequences to your scripts, this could allow to just have more transition-type shots between sequences of him rolling around vast parts of the house, making his journey feel that much bigger.
The changes to the mouse scenes are good. I think you could have a funnier title on the hamster cookbook, though. Also, I get what's happening but not exactly sure on the fine details of how it happens with "the mice quickly wrap a stick to his back." Clear this up/provide more details of what contraption they're actually using to retain Happy.
With each time Happy goes to a new area, I think you should make a point to "introduce" each new, vast, amazing place he is entering. This is supposed to be an epic journey for him, and visually you will need shots like this to make it feel so. Maybe not for EVERY new location, but for certain ones that you want to put emphasis on, especially once he gets outside. The outdoors should be shot/written very descriptively to really emphasis this new, mysterious world to Happy.
Keep it up, I'm liking where it's going and looking forward to seeing more, especially some of the model work.
yarn would look good if you could find someone to knit it into that form, with the yarn tho, couldnt you like just stuff the yarn that is around the skeleton avoiding the need to use the latex foam stuff?
ReplyDeletepg1- did happy awaken in bed? if so, i think he would realize frank was not in bed right away. in the flashback i dont think happy should talk to frank. its the only part in the whole script that the hamster talks and it kind of pulled me out of the script.
pg2-i think happy imagining the equation is not necessary, i think the viewer will understand if you simply show a quick glance back and forth from the wheel to the cage door after happy dreams about frank at the farm.
last page- I still dont understand why the bird drops happy after it picks him up, i think you're just really attached to that final visual and want to keep it even though it might not make that much sense, even if the bird WERE to drop him it wouldnt be in the same spot it picked him up because wouldnt the bird be traveling?