I have uploaded what I consider my First Cut of Dominic Best's Short Film, PARDON MI AMOR. Since I am going to be focusing on Editing for my Capstone, Adam and I have worked out a "special" Delivery Cycle Schedule for me to work with this semester. For my 2nd Delivery Cycle, I was supposed to upload a cut of PARDON MI AMOR, let you guys watch it and then post your feedback (on the Capstone Blog PLEASE!!!).
The link to the First Cut is here (http://www.vimeo.com/9586157), and it is password protected as Dominic and I do not want too many people to see it in such an early stage of completion (the password is: FMP480). I want to warn you that we both know a lot more work needs to be done on the film, as it is still a tad too long, and virtually no Audio work has been done to this cut (so there is a Temporary Sound Track, some in-camera dialogue, etc.). We want to have a picture lock before we go on to work on and finish up the Audio portion.
Also, for some odd reason, I can not get the film to export at the proper resolution (1280 x 720), so the picture is not in its proper aspect ratio/ resolution. It looks a little "squished" right now, but it is something that will be fixed by the time we get to the Final Cut of the film.
Thanks everyone for taking a look at the film in such an early stage, Hope you enjoy it, Ian
First thirty three seconds - I remember reading the script and seeing some sort of cut early on about this sequence and how he was supposed to realize he left his phone and then feel an extreme sense of urgency and worry towards this. Didn't really feel anything in the first thirty three seconds, or that he was getting ready to leave and figured out he forgot his phone. Just seemed like he got there and went in. You need to maybe do some fast cuts or something to convey the idea that he's lost the phone. I don't know if you have more footage to work with or what, but I just wasn't feeling it.
That OTS shot to the CU on Jessica and then back to the OTS when he first walked in felt very awkward and jarring. Went away too quickly and didn't really match up.
Good cut on action when he moves in. BUT. From the OTS to the CU to the establishing (while this is more of a cinematography gripe) lighting doesn't match up, pulled me out. You need to do some basic color correction to fix that.
1:20 - nice cut
The cuts in the argument are good and well paced. I feel like you should do something similar in the beginning to evoke a similar emotion.
2:22-2:23 - Awkward cut. Think it's cause of the audio bump.
2:28 - you cut to the male lead, but from her reaction before you cut, seems like you should hold on her more since it seems like that part is more her scene and we lose that since she's all out of focus in the next shot.
Good cut of him exiting the door.
I get what you're trying to do with those jump cuts once the music starts playing, but I'm not sold on it. It seems really intention and doesn't seem to fit. That might the timing of it all or something to that measure. I dunno, it doesn't look like it's achieving what you want.
I like how you cut her following shots along with that music
The shot of her running to the car after the rac looks kind of cheesey. Pulled me out of the movie. Is there a different shot you can use?
The two shot while they're in the car, focusing on their faces, seemed a little weird to me. I liked the one that was behind their heads a lot more. Gave more of that empty feeling you seemed to be going for. I'd hold on that longer opposed to cutting to the front shot.
In fact, I'd try and stray away from showing the main actors face or expressions for a lot of this. His angry face is almost cartoonish, pulled me out of the disparity of the situation.
Kill that shot of him attacking her after she grabs the cross and looks like he's having a seizure. Cut around it so you keep the emoting you're going for.
Also. The part where she's throwing the roses at him looks silly too. Pulled me out. Figure out a way to cut to them falling to the ground and kissing. That part seemed believable.
In the sequence with music. You might want to play with it and edit it as a montage and throw the timeline out of the window so you can pick and choose your shots at will. Go all nonlinear on us.
It had some good emotion but I didn't really get all of it here. I think the music really helped most of the emotion hit home, but it was missing in the beginning. The editing is good and matches in most areas. However, like you said it can still be trimmed down some.
00:06- I am not getting the right emotion here from him just sitting there and then starting to look for the phone. Maybe you should open with him searching for the phone and then when he realizes he left it inside show his fear of his girlfriend finding out.
00:37- I don't really understand what is going on here? Does she read a text message or something? I wasn't in your Directing class so the script/story is foreign to me.
What is that black thing that she grabs from the house? Is there an insert shot of that? I am not sure what it was. Also, I don't really understand why the boy freaks out in the car? Oh wait, did she pepper spray him? If that's it, I didn't get it right away and it just looked like the boy was crying/freaking out in an odd way. I think an insert shot of the pepper spray would help there. Or even a close up of her spraying him.
3:50- I really like the sequence of them sitting in the car and getting the side, back, then front angles.
I agree with chris on a the guys face being cartoonish. When he freaks out in the car I felt "laughter" and not "shock". I did not really like her attacking him with the flowers either. Maybe you can cut to where she exits the car, struggles with him, and then they kiss and fall to the ground.
OOOOh I really like that idea of Chris' to make that music scene go nonlinear, it might help hide some of the acting there.
Good first cut. Experiment a little more with the next version.
I agree with the idea to start with him looking for the phone. If you have the footage, it'd be better to see him hesitate first before exiting the car. Give us that "oh shit" moment.
00:34 I think the OTS lingers a bit too long here. Maybe when we see her fact over the right shoulder, just cut to an close up then?
1:00-2:00 This section was nicely cut. Still could use some tweaks, but definitely solid.
3:06 The music could've come just a tiny bit later and I feel the jump cuts happen to quickly. I don't get any moment to really take in her frustration before she's out the door.
3:16 The pick-up shot you guys were talking about of the mace is definitely going to help out a lot. The car spray really does happen too quickly to tell what's going on. What might also help, if you have enough footage, is to let the struggle go on a hair bit longer.
Along with what Chris said, his reaction to the spray seemed a bit much. Maybe cut it shorter or follow the girl out of the car if you have the footage.
As for the music, I'm hoping you're going to still play around with it a little more. I think it'd be better to start quiet when we can still hear her breathing and going through her bag then rise to it's max when she's out the door.
So far, a good first cut! Can't wait to see the next iteration.
This is a good rough cut. I understand it and for the most part if flows decently so hooray for that.
Overall - beginning could be a lot stronger. I don't know what coverage you're working with, but the first scene can be much better and what I think is needed for that is reaction. As far as searching for the phone, I see that, but where do I see that the fact that he can't find it is a big F'n problem? Need a cut to him to show the distress, or at least a a moment of hesitation before exiting the car.
The fight overall works. For me, these performances are a little big and could be brought down with the cutting of certain lines/shots. That, however is more of a call made by Dominic so I'll leave it at that.
The ending for me came a bit too quick. From the moment she hits him with the pepper spray I think you can stretch this moment out to portray the complete shittiness of the situation. If there's coverage of him coming from the car to her, try using it and inter cutting it with her reactions of him coming over. It could ramp up to her throwing the roses well, I think.
That overall what I've got. Here are a few specific notes. Now, these could easily be deemed as subjective, but it's things I noticed as an editor myself.
00:37
This cut to her CU and back is not smooth. Mainly, it's because you showed it and took it away so quick. If this cut can work (straight to the CU will always be a bit jarring no matter what) it'll be if you hold it just a few frames longer, maybeeee a whole second but that could be pushing it.
1:19
This moment is already intense with him jumping up and yelling, but it could be made so even more. Cut ON him jumping up from the shot before, rather than to this shot and then him jumping up a few frames into it. Might make a world of difference.
1:22
He's jumping towards her, getting in her face. Cut the first few frames from this so as soon as you cut to it BAM he's right there in the frame with her rather than starting with just her and him coming from camera right.
1:44
Whatsup with the line "You." ? I watched it over and still don't really see why it's there or necessary except for the fact that it's a shot where he sits down on the couch. If you have other coverage of him sitting on the couch use that and get rid of this line.
2:07/08
This cut needs to be hidden better. By the end of the first shot his upward momentum has more or less came to a stop and at the head of the next shot he's still coming up. Easy fix. Use the roll tool, if you're using FCP.
(I hadn't realized how freaking much I had typed, my comment was too long, so here's part two. Next time I'll keep it shorter!)
2:34
He says "I love you." It's one of the more important beats in this fight, so let it sink in more. I understand your decision to cut to her reaction, but not so soon. I want to see the conflict on his face but you cut almost immediately after he finished the line.
3:03
He just slammed the door on her, and with plenty of gusto! Yet another important beat. Let this hang a bit longer instead of cutting so quickly to her inside. I think it will also serve as a better segway into the music which I felt came in a little too quick/out of nowhere. If there's that moment to let the audience breath it shouldn't feel that way.
THE JUMP CUTS. Eh, not a fan in this situation (again, subjective). I'd rather see him leaving the door towards his car, that way you can still show a variety of the coverage you got of her breaking down by cutting between him leaving for the car and her rather than just her. However, the jump cuts of her throwing the roses I DO like.
4:22
Insert/better coverage of the pepper spray? I didn't catch it the first time and didn't understand w(hy)tf he was hulking out in the car. If you can't tell, it took me out a bit.
And even with an insert, I'm feeling that you should cut away quicker/use a less freakishly intense shot of his pain. It's just too much.
Again, looking good. Nice to see some good cutting going on, it's so important and there's not nearly enough people at our school who enjoy it!
Thanks for your comments guys... very specific, love it!
I already knew about a few of the problems most of you brought up... mainly the quick CU of her looking at the phone in the beginning and the lack of a CU of her getting the Pepper Spray out of her bag.
Basically... it’s stuff we don’t have (right now). When this film was shot, everyone on the crew assumed that people would get he lost his phone, and then went back in to get it. After I showed it to a number of people, this wasn’t clear AT ALL!!! I added the CU of her as a "quick job" for you guys and it WILL be taken out once we record Rico (the actor) saying a line about his phone.
As for the Pepper Spray... it was also something we thought would be obvious and something we wouldn’t need (the CU of her taking it out of her purse)... and once again we were wrong.
It’s really important that we have that in there so people understand why Rico freaks (or hulks or seizures, as Nick and Chris refer to it) better, and hopefully it makes his performance a bit more believable. My gf has seen over 20 versions of this film (lucky her!) and she didn’t know that she grabbed pepper spray until I said something about it... that’s a problem! We are going to do some reshoots of a CU of her grabbing spray out of purse later down the line, and I will remove that quick cut of it when they are in the car (I was trying to show a closer angle of it for this temporary cut).
I will address everything else more in class, but I thought I should mention that the reason some of the things were cut too soon (which all of you pointed out) were because a lot of stuff didn’t match (in terms of physical movement/ emotional performances), so I kind of had to pick and chose what would work here.
Thanks again for looking at my stuff guys... see you in a couple of days!
Hey Ian I really like this cut. Overall it flowed and was understandable.
I like the opening shot, might wanna take off a second because three seconds was enough for me. I understood that he forgot his phone because I read the script before hand, but I dont think I would have gotten it if I hadn't. Do you have a shot up him checking his pocket? I think that would work best, but if you dont then what is there can fly.
I really like the shot at 00:23.
From the time he enters the apartment to the CU shot of the girl seems a lil long for me.
I like the shot at 1:07 focusing on her then focusing on him at 1:18, but his facial expression isn't working for there. It kinda makes me wanna laugh and take me out of the scene.
From 1:19 to 1:24 I really like the fast cuts there, but I think the middle cut is a little too fast.
From 1:30 to 2:26, picture wise, is nicely cut. Good Job!
at 2:35 the love line could sit a little more. But I really like the song you chose. I think if you start like literally a half second later it would be better because it comes too soon as it is.
I like the jump cuts when she's still in the apartment.
At 4:23 maybe i'm missing something, but I dont understand why his reaction is so big. Oh ok I just rewatched and now saw the pepper spray. lol now i get it! when did she get pepper spray?
Again nice jump cuts with the roses.
Overall Ian I think you did a great job on this first cut.
Yeah, I didn't even realize she was spraying him with pepper spray ... that might have had something to do with all the focus being drawn to him going all berzerker on screen.
Not sure I like the low angle shot on the girl when he first walks in. maybe a high angle. (Makes her look evil). Really like the fight scene amazing editing there. The cuts seem to flow together very well. When someone moves you go with them and if you cut during it you sink it up. I like that in the heat of the moment you had a lot of quick cuts and then you slow down a bit. Goes with the mood of the piece. I like the shot of both of them falling against the door. Don’t like the jump cuts of her when she is leaning against the door. Good cut of them both getting into the car. Overall I think it’s a great beginning looks really good so far. :)
00:11 - This cut is weird, seems like you're trying not to jump it with him opening the glove box, but just go ahead and jump it, it'll look better.
00:26 - Him opening and standing at the door seems kind of long, start with him already blocking the camera
00:37 - Is there any other coverage? This shot breaks the line, it's jarring.
01:04 - This cut is slow, but I like it.
01:28 - Make sure to L cut her sigh, it ends to abruptly right now.
02:41 - I think this whole scene is decent, think you should speed it up though, especially leading up to him leaving.
03:07 - This cut's a little weird, I don't really believe her and am just focusing on how chubby her fingers are (I know, that sounds awful, I'm sorry, but if we're being honest here...). I vote you axe it or start with her hands already covering her face.
03:59 - The color is very different in these two shots because of the window and the sun, but try and smooth it out.
04:24 - Get out of the car quicker - he's not believable.
I don't really have anything to say that hasn't been said, I agree with Chris though I had no idea he was supposed to be getting sprayed with pepper spray. I am not sure how you could fix that expect for going out and reshooting it.
I have uploaded what I consider my First Cut of Dominic Best's Short Film, PARDON MI AMOR. Since I am going to be focusing on Editing for my Capstone, Adam and I have worked out a "special" Delivery Cycle Schedule for me to work with this semester. For my 2nd Delivery Cycle, I was supposed to upload a cut of PARDON MI AMOR, let you guys watch it and then post your feedback (on the Capstone Blog PLEASE!!!).
ReplyDeleteThe link to the First Cut is here (http://www.vimeo.com/9586157), and it is password protected as Dominic and I do not want too many people to see it in such an early stage of completion (the password is: FMP480). I want to warn you that we both know a lot more work needs to be done on the film, as it is still a tad too long, and virtually no Audio work has been done to this cut (so there is a Temporary Sound Track, some in-camera dialogue, etc.). We want to have a picture lock before we go on to work on and finish up the Audio portion.
Also, for some odd reason, I can not get the film to export at the proper resolution (1280 x 720), so the picture is not in its proper aspect ratio/ resolution. It looks a little "squished" right now, but it is something that will be fixed by the time we get to the Final Cut of the film.
Thanks everyone for taking a look at the film in such an early stage,
Hope you enjoy it,
Ian
First thirty three seconds - I remember reading the script and seeing some sort of cut early on about this sequence and how he was supposed to realize he left his phone and then feel an extreme sense of urgency and worry towards this. Didn't really feel anything in the first thirty three seconds, or that he was getting ready to leave and figured out he forgot his phone. Just seemed like he got there and went in. You need to maybe do some fast cuts or something to convey the idea that he's lost the phone. I don't know if you have more footage to work with or what, but I just wasn't feeling it.
ReplyDeleteThat OTS shot to the CU on Jessica and then back to the OTS when he first walked in felt very awkward and jarring. Went away too quickly and didn't really match up.
Good cut on action when he moves in. BUT. From the OTS to the CU to the establishing (while this is more of a cinematography gripe) lighting doesn't match up, pulled me out. You need to do some basic color correction to fix that.
1:20 - nice cut
The cuts in the argument are good and well paced. I feel like you should do something similar in the beginning to evoke a similar emotion.
2:22-2:23 - Awkward cut. Think it's cause of the audio bump.
2:28 - you cut to the male lead, but from her reaction before you cut, seems like you should hold on her more since it seems like that part is more her scene and we lose that since she's all out of focus in the next shot.
Good cut of him exiting the door.
I get what you're trying to do with those jump cuts once the music starts playing, but I'm not sold on it. It seems really intention and doesn't seem to fit. That might the timing of it all or something to that measure. I dunno, it doesn't look like it's achieving what you want.
I like how you cut her following shots along with that music
The shot of her running to the car after the rac looks kind of cheesey. Pulled me out of the movie. Is there a different shot you can use?
The two shot while they're in the car, focusing on their faces, seemed a little weird to me. I liked the one that was behind their heads a lot more. Gave more of that empty feeling you seemed to be going for. I'd hold on that longer opposed to cutting to the front shot.
In fact, I'd try and stray away from showing the main actors face or expressions for a lot of this. His angry face is almost cartoonish, pulled me out of the disparity of the situation.
Kill that shot of him attacking her after she grabs the cross and looks like he's having a seizure. Cut around it so you keep the emoting you're going for.
Also. The part where she's throwing the roses at him looks silly too. Pulled me out. Figure out a way to cut to them falling to the ground and kissing. That part seemed believable.
Just thought of something.
ReplyDeleteIn the sequence with music. You might want to play with it and edit it as a montage and throw the timeline out of the window so you can pick and choose your shots at will. Go all nonlinear on us.
It had some good emotion but I didn't really get all of it here. I think the music really helped most of the emotion hit home, but it was missing in the beginning. The editing is good and matches in most areas. However, like you said it can still be trimmed down some.
ReplyDelete00:06- I am not getting the right emotion here from him just sitting there and then starting to look for the phone. Maybe you should open with him searching for the phone and then when he realizes he left it inside show his fear of his girlfriend finding out.
00:37- I don't really understand what is going on here? Does she read a text message or something? I wasn't in your Directing class so the script/story is foreign to me.
What is that black thing that she grabs from the house? Is there an insert shot of that? I am not sure what it was. Also, I don't really understand why the boy freaks out in the car? Oh wait, did she pepper spray him? If that's it, I didn't get it right away and it just looked like the boy was crying/freaking out in an odd way. I think an insert shot of the pepper spray would help there. Or even a close up of her spraying him.
3:50- I really like the sequence of them sitting in the car and getting the side, back, then front angles.
I agree with chris on a the guys face being cartoonish. When he freaks out in the car I felt "laughter" and not "shock". I did not really like her attacking him with the flowers either. Maybe you can cut to where she exits the car, struggles with him, and then they kiss and fall to the ground.
OOOOh I really like that idea of Chris' to make that music scene go nonlinear, it might help hide some of the acting there.
Good first cut. Experiment a little more with the next version.
I agree with the idea to start with him looking for the phone. If you have the footage, it'd be better to see him hesitate first before exiting the car. Give us that "oh shit" moment.
ReplyDelete00:34 I think the OTS lingers a bit too long here. Maybe when we see her fact over the right shoulder, just cut to an close up then?
1:00-2:00 This section was nicely cut. Still could use some tweaks, but definitely solid.
3:06 The music could've come just a tiny bit later and I feel the jump cuts happen to quickly. I don't get any moment to really take in her frustration before she's out the door.
3:16 The pick-up shot you guys were talking about of the mace is definitely going to help out a lot. The car spray really does happen too quickly to tell what's going on. What might also help, if you have enough footage, is to let the struggle go on a hair bit longer.
Along with what Chris said, his reaction to the spray seemed a bit much. Maybe cut it shorter or follow the girl out of the car if you have the footage.
As for the music, I'm hoping you're going to still play around with it a little more. I think it'd be better to start quiet when we can still hear her breathing and going through her bag then rise to it's max when she's out the door.
So far, a good first cut! Can't wait to see the next iteration.
This is a good rough cut. I understand it and for the most part if flows decently so hooray for that.
ReplyDeleteOverall - beginning could be a lot stronger. I don't know what coverage you're working with, but the first scene can be much better and what I think is needed for that is reaction. As far as searching for the phone, I see that, but where do I see that the fact that he can't find it is a big F'n problem? Need a cut to him to show the distress, or at least a a moment of hesitation before exiting the car.
The fight overall works. For me, these performances are a little big and could be brought down with the cutting of certain lines/shots. That, however is more of a call made by Dominic so I'll leave it at that.
The ending for me came a bit too quick. From the moment she hits him with the pepper spray I think you can stretch this moment out to portray the complete shittiness of the situation. If there's coverage of him coming from the car to her, try using it and inter cutting it with her reactions of him coming over. It could ramp up to her throwing the roses well, I think.
That overall what I've got. Here are a few specific notes. Now, these could easily be deemed as subjective, but it's things I noticed as an editor myself.
00:37
This cut to her CU and back is not smooth. Mainly, it's because you showed it and took it away so quick. If this cut can work (straight to the CU will always be a bit jarring no matter what) it'll be if you hold it just a few frames longer, maybeeee a whole second but that could be pushing it.
1:19
This moment is already intense with him jumping up and yelling, but it could be made so even more. Cut ON him jumping up from the shot before, rather than to this shot and then him jumping up a few frames into it. Might make a world of difference.
1:22
He's jumping towards her, getting in her face. Cut the first few frames from this so as soon as you cut to it BAM he's right there in the frame with her rather than starting with just her and him coming from camera right.
1:44
Whatsup with the line "You." ? I watched it over and still don't really see why it's there or necessary except for the fact that it's a shot where he sits down on the couch. If you have other coverage of him sitting on the couch use that and get rid of this line.
2:07/08
This cut needs to be hidden better. By the end of the first shot his upward momentum has more or less came to a stop and at the head of the next shot he's still coming up. Easy fix. Use the roll tool, if you're using FCP.
(I hadn't realized how freaking much I had typed, my comment was too long, so here's part two. Next time I'll keep it shorter!)
ReplyDelete2:34
He says "I love you." It's one of the more important beats in this fight, so let it sink in more. I understand your decision to cut to her reaction, but not so soon. I want to see the conflict on his face but you cut almost immediately after he finished the line.
3:03
He just slammed the door on her, and with plenty of gusto! Yet another important beat. Let this hang a bit longer instead of cutting so quickly to her inside. I think it will also serve as a better segway into the music which I felt came in a little too quick/out of nowhere. If there's that moment to let the audience breath it shouldn't feel that way.
THE JUMP CUTS. Eh, not a fan in this situation (again, subjective). I'd rather see him leaving the door towards his car, that way you can still show a variety of the coverage you got of her breaking down by cutting between him leaving for the car and her rather than just her. However, the jump cuts of her throwing the roses I DO like.
4:22
Insert/better coverage of the pepper spray? I didn't catch it the first time and didn't understand w(hy)tf he was hulking out in the car. If you can't tell, it took me out a bit.
And even with an insert, I'm feeling that you should cut away quicker/use a less freakishly intense shot of his pain. It's just too much.
Again, looking good. Nice to see some good cutting going on, it's so important and there's not nearly enough people at our school who enjoy it!
Thanks for your comments guys... very specific, love it!
ReplyDeleteI already knew about a few of the problems most of you brought up... mainly the quick CU of her looking at the phone in the beginning and the lack of a CU of her getting the Pepper Spray out of her bag.
Basically... it’s stuff we don’t have (right now). When this film was shot, everyone on the crew assumed that people would get he lost his phone, and then went back in to get it. After I showed it to a number of people, this wasn’t clear AT ALL!!! I added the CU of her as a "quick job" for you guys and it WILL be taken out once we record Rico (the actor) saying a line about his phone.
As for the Pepper Spray... it was also something we thought would be obvious and something we wouldn’t need (the CU of her taking it out of her purse)... and once again we were wrong.
It’s really important that we have that in there so people understand why Rico freaks (or hulks or seizures, as Nick and Chris refer to it) better, and hopefully it makes his performance a bit more believable. My gf has seen over 20 versions of this film (lucky her!) and she didn’t know that she grabbed pepper spray until I said something about it... that’s a problem! We are going to do some reshoots of a CU of her grabbing spray out of purse later down the line, and I will remove that quick cut of it when they are in the car (I was trying to show a closer angle of it for this temporary cut).
I will address everything else more in class, but I thought I should mention that the reason some of the things were cut too soon (which all of you pointed out) were because a lot of stuff didn’t match (in terms of physical movement/ emotional performances), so I kind of had to pick and chose what would work here.
Thanks again for looking at my stuff guys... see you in a couple of days!
Hey Ian I really like this cut. Overall it flowed and was understandable.
ReplyDeleteI like the opening shot, might wanna take off a second because three seconds was enough for me. I understood that he forgot his phone because I read the script before hand, but I dont think I would have gotten it if I hadn't. Do you have a shot up him checking his pocket? I think that would work best, but if you dont then what is there can fly.
I really like the shot at 00:23.
From the time he enters the apartment to the CU shot of the girl seems a lil long for me.
I like the shot at 1:07 focusing on her then focusing on him at 1:18, but his facial expression isn't working for there. It kinda makes me wanna laugh and take me out of the scene.
From 1:19 to 1:24 I really like the fast cuts there, but I think the middle cut is a little too fast.
From 1:30 to 2:26, picture wise, is nicely cut. Good Job!
at 2:35 the love line could sit a little more. But I really like the song you chose. I think if you start like literally a half second later it would be better because it comes too soon as it is.
I like the jump cuts when she's still in the apartment.
At 4:23 maybe i'm missing something, but I dont understand why his reaction is so big.
Oh ok I just rewatched and now saw the pepper spray. lol now i get it! when did she get pepper spray?
Again nice jump cuts with the roses.
Overall Ian I think you did a great job on this first cut.
Yeah, I didn't even realize she was spraying him with pepper spray ... that might have had something to do with all the focus being drawn to him going all berzerker on screen.
ReplyDeleteNot sure I like the low angle shot on the girl when he first walks in. maybe a high angle. (Makes her look evil). Really like the fight scene amazing editing there. The cuts seem to flow together very well. When someone moves you go with them and if you cut during it you sink it up. I like that in the heat of the moment you had a lot of quick cuts and then you slow down a bit. Goes with the mood of the piece. I like the shot of both of them falling against the door. Don’t like the jump cuts of her when she is leaning against the door. Good cut of them both getting into the car. Overall I think it’s a great beginning looks really good so far. :)
ReplyDelete00:11 - This cut is weird, seems like you're trying not to jump it with him opening the glove box, but just go ahead and jump it, it'll look better.
ReplyDelete00:26 - Him opening and standing at the door seems kind of long, start with him already blocking the camera
00:37 - Is there any other coverage? This shot breaks the line, it's jarring.
01:04 - This cut is slow, but I like it.
01:28 - Make sure to L cut her sigh, it ends to abruptly right now.
02:41 - I think this whole scene is decent, think you should speed it up though, especially leading up to him leaving.
03:07 - This cut's a little weird, I don't really believe her and am just focusing on how chubby her fingers are (I know, that sounds awful, I'm sorry, but if we're being honest here...). I vote you axe it or start with her hands already covering her face.
03:59 - The color is very different in these two shots because of the window and the sun, but try and smooth it out.
04:24 - Get out of the car quicker - he's not believable.
Overall, good start, speed it up.
I don't really have anything to say that hasn't been said, I agree with Chris though I had no idea he was supposed to be getting sprayed with pepper spray. I am not sure how you could fix that expect for going out and reshooting it.
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